here’s pippo digging with her cousin max at zion np.
pippo and her boyfriend aaron
i was out for a walk with my dog, pippo, the other day, and i had a bunch of god revelations hit me as we were out behind the window rock. they should be obvious as you read.
i was thinking about how it can be hard to care – about others and about whether or not others know jesus. we can get so stuck on how we feel and our situations and what we should do with life, that we lose that care for other people and motivation to really go out into all the world…
you see, my dog has some issues. she is a special needs dog. her body is very unique, and as she ages, she gathers more and more challenges. of her many nicknames, one that i use anymore is crooked. “hey there crooked dear sil!” and one of her other names of late is, “scaardy.” “hey you pippo, quit being so scaardy.”
i don’t know why i call her that b/c the reality is that she’s not so scared. i mean, she is. she hates going on a sidewalk with a pattern. she despises walking on a smooth floor. (though, conversely, she will – eventually as you read here – bound over and under and through all kinds of things once she gets going on her journey) but, still she always keeps going – as long as she sees me keep going. if she knows that i am ahead of her and expecting her to follow, then she’ll find a way to come. and, if she genuinely can’t, then she waits for me to come and help her. she doesn’t run back to the car or just lie down.
you see, b/c of pippo’s physical stuff, she gets stiff. she has a hard time getting herself going to fun-full speed. when we walk behind the window rock, especially, the first part is a tad climb – through this little chute up the rocks. and when pippo gets out of the car – after having been laying around all afternoon, she just can’t make it up those rocks easily. it is hard for her. the intial steps on the journey are hard. and, though i know she can’t wait to get out on the journey and know where she’s going and experience all their is, she also has a difficult time getting started.
i will sometimes leave her to climb that herself. it takes her some time. she might have to maneuver a different route. sometimes she even falls backwards as she starts. but yes, at times, i push her butt up a little so she can get to moving better, when i see she can’t really make it.
the thing is, once she is out moving for a bit, she does great. by the time we get to the back side of the loop, where all the up and down hills are, she is moving like super-dog. her legs are loosened. she trusts the strength she really does have. it’s just that in the beginning, it’s hard to feel that strength b/c she’s been sitting for a while.
she also has this weird thing she does. she holds in her poop. i don’t know if she’s actually constipated or what. but, i can tell that she has to go. she’s in the house, or in the car, and i can just tell. and, it’s like she doesn’t want to leave the house or get into the car until she goes. but, she doesn’t. it’s like she wants to but she can’t. and, she has to go out and start moving, even though it’s uncomfortable from feeling all that crap inside. but then, once she starts moving, she actually goes. it takes moving for the shit to come out. and once it does, she can really move. it’s like a weight is lifted and her legs are even more free.
now, because of her limitations, she will cramp up at times. or, b/c of the place of her journey, she will step on a cactus needle or sticker burr. she has limitations and the environment on the journey has obstacles. i suppose she could keep trying to keep going anyway, or she could run off and try to deal with the problems herself. but she has learned, that the best thing to do is wait for me to come and help her. she pauses, finds me, and lets me heal her. i remove the needle. i rub her back legs. i give her water. i sometimes just need to hold her for a few minutes while she regains that strength.
and she has a great balance of contact with me. she goes on ahead. she moves. she tries to get up over roots and rocks. but, she always knows where i am. she never goes off on her own. she is adventurous. she lives the journey to the full, but she is always in distance of me. she knows she needs me and that i am her strength – that i release her strength. though she could go for that same walk by herself to some degree, she enjoys it ten times more when she does it with me.
and you know what? i would never allow any harm to come to her. sure, i give her a chance to climb those intitial rocks solo and let her fall backwards some. but, i am there to catch her. sure, i don’t stop her from stepping on the ouwies that hurt her and have even caused her to bleed sometimes. i don’t stop her b/c that would minimize the journey and limit all she can do. i know that the joy of the journey is coupled with the pain. and that the joy is more fully experienced as she faces the reality of her pain.
that’s my girl. and that is an almost exact representation of our lives as we begin something new with god. when god moves us to something new – a new journey, adventure, risk, etc. – we are usually coming from a place of having been sitting a bit. maybe we weren’t totally sitting, but we sure were compared to the journey ahead. or, we are broken and don’t necessarily feel completely healed and whole. and when we get up, we are stiff and out of practice. we didn’t need to trust the jesus in us or rely on the father over us so much b/c we were comfortably sitting. so, in those initial parts, it is hard. it is scary. it is challenging.
as we keep moving, though, god opens up our lives and the potential for all he’s doing. he gets our focus off ourselves and onto those around us – those who need him, for salvation, for healing, for change, for help, for whatever. we become aware of what is around us more. we can see the beauty in it now. and though we hit obstacles – within ourselves and from without – we are ok. god gets the shit out as we move. sometimes we sit and wait to do what god wants until we “feel” healed enough or strong enough. well, the truth is, a lot of times god gets that stuff dealt with once we follow his lead in obedience.
but he is always with us – shepherding us. he releases us to both experience him and go into all world baptizing and teaching people his ways as we live his life on whatever journey he has next.
and bee-line it back to the rez. i want to remember the sound of friends’ laughter because i actually get to hear it. i want to walk in stillness and quiet. i want to not be stared at. i want to blend in with everyone else. oh to curl up with a fire in the woodstove. 
things are starting to come together a bit, which is a relief!! it goes from details to my heart…
