the caleb and joshua principle

so, i’ve been reading in Numbers about the Israelites leaving Egypt and beginning their trek through the wilderness.  and, i’m always struck when reminded that their journey did not begin as a trek through the wilderness.  they reached an area not far from the jordan river and were set to cross over.  god had moses send 12 men to scout the promised land across the river.  they found wonderful land – one flowing with milk and honey, but they also found established people groups and settled areas.  the people they saw were strong and powerful. 

so, the 12 men returned to report to moses.  and, most of them spoke up to say that though the land was bountiful, it also had powerful people with fortified cities – even giants.  but, caleb stepped in to try to quiet the people, who were undoubtedly expressing their concerns by now.  and caleb proclaims, “let’s go at once to take the land.  we can certainly conquer it!”

well, of course the other men shot back and said no way.  after the report, these men basically spread the fear and negativity among the people.  “the land…will devour anyone who goes to live there…”

as you would expect, the israelite people then began weeping that night and protesting to moses and aaron.  they even said they wanted to go back to egypt, where they were “safe.”  on and on they went with their fear and complaints.

caleb and joshua were so upset by this display by the people that they tore their clothes and tried to tell the people that the land is wonderful, that the Lord will be with them, and to not rebel against the Lord and not be afraid.

the people’s response was to begin talking about stoning caleb and joshua.  haha.  how typical!  we do not like people telling us things we don’t want to hear – even if it is good and true.

well, to cut to the chase, the Lord was downright angry and ready to just be done with these people who lived in fear and thanklessness.  moses interceded for them, and the Lord ended up not killing them then and there.  He instead punished them by making them remain in the wilderness for 40 years and declaring that of the people who left egypt, only caleb and joshua would enter the new land. 

there’s a whole lot that could be discussed in this story.  but, during this reading, i was most struck by caleb and the principle of moving forward in the places god has us, even when the things we will face will make us seem as small as grasshoppers, and keeping a positive attitude and seeing the good in the new thing, rather than focusing on the giants.

god rescued the people from egypt – in magnificent fashion.  but, that wasn’t the end.  our lives with god and in following jesus are not only about rescue and salvation.  they are as much about moving into all god has for us and us for him and his purposes.  and what god has for us is good – bountiful, wonderful.  that does not mean, however, that there won’t be anything coming against, anything we have to fight through.  there will be.  but, god is with us and is on our side.  so, there is no reason to live in fear and no reason to stay where we are.

god said he was taking the people into this new land and that they would be blessed.  caleb and joshua believed this and took god at his word.  we are to do the same.  and quite frankly, when we don’t, it makes god mad.  very mad.  it’s easy for us to have an attitude like – “oh, god will give us time to work through our fears.  he understands how difficult the path ahead is.  he knows all these challenges.  surely he will give me time.”  yeah, not so much. 

to not go to the place god is taking us – to not go when he is telling us – to make excuses (that “seem” valid to us) — these things are basically slapping god in the face.  big time.  heck, i’d be mad too.

so, the sad part is that i can relate to the israelite people at times.  i’ve delayed with things.  i’ve seen the road ahead – god’s purposes, or what’s next – as being too hard.  what it would take to do the things god wants just have seemed too hard at times.  and, i’ve delayed.  and you know what?  god left me to wander in the wilderness.  and, it’s not a good thing.  and, those times sucked.

there are times of wilderness that are teaching times – lessons – times for growth.  then, there are wilderness times that are just, well, more of a punishment.  a direct result of us not following god. 

when we don’t trust – right away – with reckless abandon, our minds get confused.  suddenly, things seem worse than they are.  or, we come up with justified excuses why we don’t need to do what god originally was wanting us to do.

so…are you to move somewhere?  give something away?  give money to something?  repair a relationship?  work through issues in your life?  truly turn away from a sin?  spend time doing something for someone?  invest in someone’s life in a very committed way?  step up and do something not typical for you?  start something new?

and, you know it’s from god?  that thing in your gut makes you know that it is something you are truly supposed to do.

well, you can be caleb and joshua, or you can be stuck in the wilderness – aimless and going in circles, going through the motions, alive but not really living.   god help me to be a caleb and joshua!!

 

Flickr Tags: caleb,joshua,moses

like sitting on thorns

so, it’s the dry season here in gulu.  i lived in the desert, albeit high elevation desert which is different, for 16 years, and it doesn’t quite compare to a dry season in northern uganda.  at least in northern arizona, you have sand and red clay with sage and pinon and juniper – year round.  during the rains, you might see some stubble of grass that makes things appear to be at least a bit more green.  but mostly, things look the same day after day.  snow brings the occasional change, but even it comes down hard and then is gone by the following day.  here, though, the landscape is green.  uganda is on the equator; it is a tropical environment (or at least it was before so much deforestation).  and even in the north where the elevation is a bit lower and the terrain is more open, it is fairly fertile.  but, not during the dry season.  currently, driving around feels more like being on another planet.  things are virtually unrecognizable.  it’s an eerie feeling – desolate.  there are many fires, as high grasses and thick underbrush are burned off.  there is a constant haze from the ash and particle in the atmosphere.  it somehow feels even drier and hotter than even phoenix on a scorching july afternoon.  though the rains bring mud that is almost impenetrable, i actually think i prefer it to this climate of stillness, of everything having withered or burned into nothing.  you just feel the waiting.  waiting for something to grow – to come back to life.  and sadly, the whole effect of the season is felt even more in everyday life.

this week while visiting with group 3 at rwot obilo, we were trying to share some encouragement with them – to bring a lift during these hard times.  you see, in the past few months, a number of their community have died or fallen quite sick.  the deaths were sudden and unexpected, children and adults.  the illnesses and injuries are limiting, making them unable to do much of anything productive.  their emotions are about as raw and dry as the land around them.  one of the elders of the group shared that, “it feels like we have been sitting on thorns,” because the pain is always there – constant.

sometimes life is like this for all of us.  there is an ongoing pain or hurt that is open and exposed.  and, it can feel like there is no way out of it.  this is especially true when there seem to be no answers, when the pain is there and we do not see an end to it or know how to get past it.  those pricks of the thorns seem to be there everywhere we go.

i have actually felt like this a lot of late.  i have my own pains, and then i absorb the pain of so many others.  it can come to the point where i feel like i am wearing an outfit of thorns.  and, all can seem quite unchanging.  to say it feels hopeless is strong, but certainly it can look and feel as though things will just stay painful without release.  and, it is worse when there is little that can be done about it – except to go through and endure it and wait.

and so thinking of thorns, i am of course reminded of jesus.  having long, hard thorns thrust into your skull has to be quite a bit worse than simple having them prick your bum, especially since it was a literal and real pain for him.  and, this pain for jesus was constant and coming from all sides.  physical pain, betrayal by friends, ignoring from family, put down by peers, questioning his purpose, feeling let down by his father.  talk about feeling like you are in the barren-lands!  and, there was nothing he could do about it.  he could not remove the thorns, stop the beatings, force people to change their minds or attitudes, or get people to give him support.  he simply had to endure.

and, because he did endure – because he somehow held on to the greater purpose amid the pain and loneliness – because he waited, there was life.  there was hope.  there was overcoming.  he actually created that.  what he went through actually defines those things.  it is the prime example of them.

no amount of what we endure internally or externally comes close to what jesus experienced.  we all know that.  but, if i can continue to see what he did as an example, it does relieve and breathe life to some of the pricks of pain and suffocating dryness that i go through and see around me.  and anyway, we are to share in his suffering and the suffering of others.

so, may we see these times as preparation for the new things, for the rains, for life anew.  why did jesus have to go through SO much?  why do we?  i don’t know.  but, god always has purpose in what he does to renew things.  and, maybe part of the burning now is also a burning away of what’s not needed to make way for what is.

james taylor sings that, “i’ve seen fire and i’ve seen rain.”  haha.  so, we are just waiting for that rain.

lessons from this year

so, when i came upon this sight here in the picture below (backcountry of grand teton national park), i was in awe more than ever before.  i literally gasped for air and then could only say – “wow.”  then, soft expressions of – “oh my word.”  it was stunning and overwhelming.  to the right of this range was the back side of the “grand teton,” and i was not far below the peak.  it was huge and encompassing.  i felt small and minute in the overcast of its face.  i was stunned.  though there was a lot of beauty in the miles preceding this point, the last stretch here at the end of the hiking day was a long climb – over barren rock and lifeless ground.  i kept seeing a horizon ahead of me that seemed to never be overtaken.  and then, just as you think the climb will be eternal, the massive peaks are directly on you.   but, the “scenic overlook” is minimal because just over the edge of what you see at the bottom of this picture is a drop-off, down to a crater with glacial water and a route through and down from the majestic peaks.  there is only a brief spot from where to gaze on the peaks.

only, i didn’t have much gazing time.  i would have had tears of awe except that at the same time, there was a white squall type storm growing.  it was also overwhelmingly cold.  the area where i was walking was called “hurricane pass” – for good reason.  the pelting snow b-b’s were hitting at full force.  i didn’t care at the moment, though.  i was too stunned by the scenes in front of me – over me – swallowing me.  i have been to a lot of beautiful and majestic places, but nothing has quite compared to this.  but, i do not even have a good picture of the back side of “the grand” because of this storm that was swirling in and around me.  you see, i had a glimpse of this miracle of creation for a meager 2 minutes.  that was it.  i saw the entirety of all the peaks for less than that before clouds overtook them.  the sight of sheer majesty and power and beauty and immensity was a mere glimpse.

i worked so hard to get to this point.  i had read that hurricane pass was “the” place to be to see the tetons; it was on lists as one of the best hikes in america.  i worked out for months to reach the point that i could manage the climbs and pack-carrying to get here without passing out.  and…i got 2 minutes of it.  then, it was gone.  hidden behind the clouds and snow.  i was left frigid but having to press on because to stay and wait to see it again would have been foolish.  the cold and conditions were too dangerous, and darkness was going to settle too soon.  camp had to be reached and set up.  i could have stayed and waited for another break of the clouds – for another glimpse, but that would have not been productive.

that night the cold went to the bone.  the next morning the tent was unzipped to a nice layer of fresh snow.  the peaks could still not be seen.  and, all there was to do was continue out of the mountains and down to the valley, even a day earlier than planned.

but, the thing is, i wouldn’t trade any of it.  sure, it would have been swell to linger at the peaks and have a clear view.  but either way, it was worth it.  that bit of being overtaken by creation was worth the work-outs, sugar-free eating, travel time, money to get there, the climb up and climb down.  and it’s funny because the next day, even as the hike was shortened, i and my partners were having a blast.  we were cold and sore and a bit bummed to be hiking out.  yet, we were energized.  we had some good laughs and were fully ok with pressing on to the next part of the trip.  we had experienced something none of us could quite describe.  we had reached the summit.  the work continued, the struggles remained, but our spirits were renewed in that time.

and then, 2 days later, after more snow and cold even in the valley, we saw the peaks of the tetons in absolute clarity on the front side.  they weren’t magnified in our face, weren’t as detailed, weren’t as overwhelming and near.  still, the knowledge of their power and bigness were ever-present.  i could still clearly picture the view from hurricane pass.  we were in the valley, but the looming presence of the mountains was always there, watching over – being a guide – a regular reminder of all its amazing qualities.

this experience describes my year and reveals lessons to be learned for my everyday life.

often in my life, and especially here in uganda, all i do is work out and climb and live in the valley.  i have glimpses of the majesty and power and beauty and immensity of god and his work and his spirit overcast on work and life here.  then, after that moment, the storms emerge again, and the journey goes on in the cold and soreness and direction that seems so far away from that intense presence of god.

any christian is regularly challenged with needing to trust god more.  i should say – any christian who is seeking more of god, more of a life of relevance in the kingdom, more maturity as a follower of jesus is going to be challenged with needing to trust god more.  and so, to say that we are needing to simply trust god more can sound kind of dumb since it is an ongoing thing in most every situation of life.  it’s like you tell someone – i need to trust god more.  and the other person says, “well, duh.”  yet, that sums up my life and the life of finding the way.  and, are the two intertwined?  sure.  any god purpose in our lives is…our personal lives as well.

with finding the way, it is very much that we experience these incredible moments of god’s overcast presence – of provision to have great physical impacts, of salvation that is sought and received, of truths that are accepted and applied, of help that is timely and useful.  it’s obvious.  it’s in my face.

and then, before i know it, before i even have a chance to really enjoy what god’s done or let it soak in, there are more challenges – more storms that swirl – more pressing on in the journey that’s immediate.  deaths, sicknesses, discouragements, bad roads, car problems, financial challenges, false accusations, being taken advantage of, etc. and etc.  and, can i be honest?  really honest?  i’ve kind of resented it.  i didn’t realize that i was, but i was.  and, in so many ways, my energy and motivation have just been sucked out of me.  i get to where i just really don’t know if i can continue on.  i get  more to where i want to stay and bask in the fullness of the good.

it’s just that, i know that if i try to stay in those places, i will die.  if i had stayed on hurricane pass, i could have died.  the wind alone was enough to knock you over.

the euphoria for a marathoner is at the end of the race.  that sheer satisfaction of having survived and being renewed with a sense of purpose.  (ok, i have never run a marathon, haha, but i’ll still speak on it as an authority).  but, to get back to that again – to see that result – to produce that fruit – the marathoner must go out and train again.  pound the pavement every day.  do the monotonous.  do the leg work (literally).  eat right.  wake early.  suffer through heat and cold.  and then at the next marathon, he/she gets to finish again and experience that purpose fulfilled again.

i confess that going through the daily purposes have grown harder the past months.  the valleys seem deeper.  the storms pushing me off the mountain stronger.

yet – yet – the mountains are always present.  god is always present.  (“well, duh.”  i know)  and so, i keep pounding the pavement.  each of us here must continue to run the race with perseverance.  i will cross over hurricane pass again, but the training and climb are still needed.

so, here is an “album” of some “hurricane pass” moments from finding the way this past year.  and, through them, we learn to keep going because of the ones that are meant to come in 2011.

baptism of katina.  she passed away in mid-december.  she and rose and acayo and kenny were all lost this year, but bless god they are all with him now.

 

 

 

 

joel and 26 others were baptized.  joel and his brother fred are overcoming the loss of the parents in the massacre of over 400 people that happened in one day at atiak camp in 1995.

 

 

 

 

2 shallow wells for clean water for group 3 and the surrounding community were constructed by the people working together.

 

 

 

 

 

a deep, bore hole well was put in at group 2.  no more carrying water for 2 miles!

 

 

 

 

 

huts were constructed for groups 2, 3, and 4 this year – 21 in all, servicing about 110 people.

 

 

 

 

 

each person is proud and happy to have a shelter and proper home.

 

 

 

 

 

christmas meals and gifts for the kids and bibles were given to all the groups.

 

 

 

 

 

general blessed times of fellowship, worship, bible teaching, and prayer were regular times of connection with god and one another, bringing growth and encouragement, as the groups begin to give of themselves to the others in their communities as well.

but, what is hope?

the word so often translated faith in the new testament comes from an ancient word that literally means “trust.”  faith is the deep confidence that God is good and that God’s goodness somehow triumphs.  faith is that intimate, personal trust by which you say, “i commend myself into your strong, loving hands.”  it is not hard to see how genuine hope is different from optimism.  we are not talking about a sunny disposition that makes us believe things will be better tomorrow.  an optimist says, “the war will be over; your wounds will be healed; the depression will go away; all will be better soon.”  the optimist may be right, but unfortunately he or she may also be wrong.  for none of us can control our circumstances.

no, hope does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world, anymore than does faith.  nor does hope depend on the ups and downs of our life’s particulars. hope rather has to do with God.  we have hope and joy in our faith because we believe that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world.  “in the world,” Jesus say, “you face persecution.  but take courage; i have conquered the world.” (John 16”33).  We follow One who is not limited or defeated by the world’s sufferings.

Jesus would ask us:  “do you believe?  do you trust?  do you trust that God loves you so much that he wants to give you only life?”  when i try to answer, i realize how far i have to go.  much in me says, “i want to be sure that there are certain things in place before i take the leap of faith.”  every time i try to trust, i realize how many little conditions i put on trust.  every time i trust more, i see how deep is my resistance.  and how many more levels i find that faith has not penetrated!  we don’t know how many levels there are.  but, our lives are renewed every time we trust more.  we take a leap of faith and trust only to see the next layer of possibility. 

hope does not mean that we will avoid or be able to ignore suffering, of course.  indeed, hope born of faith becomes matured and purified through difficulty.  the surprise we experience in hope, then, is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected.  for even when they do not, we can still live with a keen hope.  the basis of our hope has to do with the One who is stronger than life and suffering.  faith opens us up to God’s sustaining, healing presence.  a person in difficulty cna trust because of a belief that something else is possible.  to trust is to allow for hope. 

which also means that to trust is not always to demand specifics of what will transpire.  God wants us to know life – but what that actually means is open-ended.  God wants us to experience healing, but how can we know precisely what healing will always look like?  God wants to bring us to a new place of faithfulness, but how and through what means?  we don’t have to decide everything or know everything or even glimpse much at all; if we try too hard to figure it all out we lose a trusting spirit.  a person of faith learns to trust so much  that the outcome of the trust is given into the hands of the One in whom the trust is placed.  we let God work out some details that we feel tempted to know or control but ultimately cannot.

this kind of attention to the eternal in our every day does not strain our hearts.  it does not major on brawny striving.  it has more to do with attention to God than perfection, with a desire to see God even amid our great weakness. 

from Turn My Mourning Into Dancing, by Henri Nouwen

so, yes, i cheated for this entry.  but, the description of hope sums up a lot for me and for the work of ftw.  maybe i’ll write some more of my own thoughts in the next few days.  but, feel free to share your own as well. 

never take freedom for granted

so, in case you hadn’t heard in the news, there was a terrorist bombing in kampala 2 weeks ago.  81 people died from it.  in the aftermath of that, an attempt at increased security has been put in place throughout uganda.  the problem is that as they try to do that, they are very much changing the lives of people and removing their freedom – their ability to move freely in their day to day lives.  i remember after sept. 11th how scared so many people were.  it shook or nation at the core.  people didn’t know what to make of such a crazy event.  but, i also remember that one attitude that arose was a resolve to not be forced into a lifestyle change because of these acts of evil.

well, today going into church here in gulu, i had to wait in line to go through security.  now, granted, the “security” was a joke to me.  a guy was randomly waving the beep wand for any metal objects.  and, bags were checked.  but, bags were not checked by professionals.  these were just whoever people from the church.  there was no sense of privacy; no sense of respect.  there were also signs hung saying, “security alert.  please report any suspicious behavior.”  last week, over 20 people were arrested in kampala because of people’s suspicions.  all 20 have been released because the accusations were unfounded.  people were just being paranoid.

when i boarded the bus to come back from kampala just after the bombings, the driver informed us to report anyone on the bus we found to be suspicious.  they also wove the beeping wand.  i found this funny for the bus companies.  just last week, more people died in a bus accident.  nearly 3000 people die per year in bus accidents, let alone those seriously injured.  yet, nothing is done to report “suspicious” drivers who speed, or those responsible for the bad roads, or the bus companies for having old buses that aren’t in good shape.

but, the thing that got me the most was the thing at church.  to have to enter church and go through security is, to me, the ultimate in lack of freedom and people living in fear.  at some point, it all just goes too far.  at some point, there must be a recognition that bad things will happen and we cannot control when and where that will be.  we cannot prevent every bad thing.  we are being body scanned – naked in front of strangers, essentially – at airports.  kids in various areas go through metal detectors to enter school (actually, i get that one – knowing how crazy kids are anymore, honestly).  but, at some stage, it is too much.  we begin to live like we are part of a military state.

uganda doesn’t get this.  well, since they are kind of a military state (though they wouldn’t say that or see it), they wouldn’t get it.  but, it is not the answer.

it means something to have freedom.  yes, it is important to have the law.  it is important that one person’s use of freedom does not injure another.  but, it is also important that one person injuring someone does not expel people’s freedoms.

there is no point to live in fear.  maybe someday things will become a war-like state.  security may be needed on every corner.  we may live under that kind of danger some day.  i don’t know.  but, we aren’t there yet.  not even close, really.  i don’t want to walk into church, or a store, or a restaurant, or work and be screened and exposed at every turn, every day.  i don’t want bad things to happen, but the reality is that they will sometimes.  i don’t want children to get hurt, but does that mean i put so much “protective” equipment on them to play a sport that they can’t even enjoy it.  sometimes kids break their arms or get cuts and bruises.  that is part of life. we seem to live more and more in a society that wants to think that everything is preventable, which is just ridiculous.  no, of course we don’t want to be reckless or careless.  but, attitudes anymore are tilting the other direction too much.  we are so “protective” of every little thing that we are paranoid.  and, it is not so obvious in the u.s. as it was this morning walking through security into church today.  but, it is there for sure.

may we continue to live – freely, without fear or anxiety, trusting god in all things.

Going Fishing…

so, i realized it must be opening day for fishing in PA as i saw lots of people’s status’s on facebook saying they took their kids fishing.  it got me to thinking…

when i was growing up, i loved the first day of fishing season.  every april, my dad, brother and i would gear up, literally, for an early morning hanging out on Middle Creek and a later afternoon trek up Shade Mountain to try our luck on some brook trout.  we’d stock up on supplies at D & D in Middleburg, followed by a pizza burger at Edleman’s.  mom would have the deep fryer ready to go to take care of whatever we brought back.  all of this took place about 25 – 30 years ago. 

i still know how to fish today.  hand a rod and reel, and i’ll be able to attach my hook to the line with a proper knot, bait it, cast, and reel in a trout, bass, or bluegill.  i know how to do all of these things.  why?  because i learned how to fish.  and, once you know something like that, you don’t forget.  it is not like cramming for a test or memorizing (temporarily) facts and figures.  this is real learning – hand-on, experiential.  knowledge has stayed with me because i practiced it for a number of years.

when i describe the work we are doing with finding the way to various people, i often have them say, “oh, it’s like the old saying – better to teach people how to fish than to just give them a fish.”  yes, this does sum up what we do with ftw.  it is a core value in how and why we invest in people.  but, more than that, it is a the way of jesus.

jesus calls the disciples and says that he will make them fishers of men.  it follow god is not to simply get a fish and eat it.  it is not about simply taking in the easy stuff for our own benefit.  to follow god is to learn how to catch fish – to apply the good that is given and have it be an influence on others. 

learning to follow god takes time, just like learning to fish.  but we do not forget the things we learned when taught well.  we may choose, as many do sadly, to no longer follow god (just as i no longer do any fishing in my life), but it doesn’t mean that we forget.  not if we have been trained.

jesus tells us to become fishers of men at the beginning of his call to the disciples.  at the end he reiterates by telling them to go and make disciples, etc.  go and make other fishermen.  just as you follow me and influence others, also teach them how to follow me and go and do the same.  in this, there is an endless cycle of life being sustained.

some people from our first village have been fishing.  they are sustaining life every day because they know how to get food that will give them strength and nourishment.  it’s the same in our walk with god and how we relate to others.  will we simply give them fish, or will we teach them how to fish?  will we simply spoon feed others to sort of be saved, or will we disciple and parent others – taking the time to teach and re-teach the truths of god’s word and how he says we are to walk them out in our lives.  this is where strength and nourishment exists every day – even 30 years later.

god is good; his love endures forever

war, famine, disease, disaster, injustice, tragedy, hunger, poverty, betrayal, and death.  these things are all too common in the world.  life is filled with brokenness and hurt, disappointment and loss.  it can become overwhelming at times.  it can seem like this is all there is.  this past week, one of the little girls (the one in the

middle here), Lakicia, from the Okidi group, passed away.  the death could have been prevented – with available treatment, simple healthcare.  it’s hard to fathom that these things happen. 

we can know that things happen for a reason.   we can know that the power of jesus overcomes all things.  we can know that god’s love covers all things.  we don’t often respond with the strength of this knowledge, though. 

i think of how the disciples couldn’t get it through their heads that jesus was going to die, but that he would also return.  their faith was, well, they had no faith for that.  they knew he was the messiah.  they claimed him as the messiah.  but, when he’d talk about his purpose, they wouldn’t get it – or wouldn’t receive it.

then, when he was taken by the roman soldiers, they fled.  they scattered.  they were afraid.  they didn’t show a lot of strength or live in victory.  only john even made it to the crucifixion.  after his death, when they were told he was alive, the continued to lack faith.

they despaired.  the people closest to jesus for three years doubted and despaired.  i take comfort in this.  in the humanity of it all.  sometimes i beat myself up for feeling weak – for having a first reaction of worry and questioning.  when tragedy strikes, confusion hits, pain grips, hurt controls, i want to run and scatter.  i want to hide and not do anything.  i want to let my emotions take over.  and, you know what?  sometimes they do.  i sometimes think how immature i must be.  and then i kinda go, yep – i am as immature as the disciples.  so, at least i am in good company.

look, i don’t say this to justify any of my lack of faith.  we are told to “take courage,” “hold fast,” “be strong and courageous,” “fix our eyes on jesus,” and on and on.  so, i pray god that i will do that better and better and more and more in situations. 

the other cool thing about the disciples, though, in the continuation of their faith, is that they did not remain in despair.  do you know how much guilt and shame they could have had – especially peter and thomas – after acting the way they did.  even after encountering the risen jesus and seeing the reality of the messiah before their eyes, it would have been easy to feel even worse and more like a loser.

but whatever they may have felt, they did not let it control them.  they stayed with jesus until the ascension, and then they continued to walk out their purposes he left for them to do.  they waited for the holy spirit and then continued to spread the good news until each of them were killed for it.

they learned.  they finally got it, i think.  and that’s how i want to be.  i don’t want to stay stuck in the place of despair – of not living in the truth and power and reality of the resurrection.  of taking even one day to get to that place of trust. 

for he is good, and his love endures forever.  there is every kind of result of this fallen world all around us.  we will see it and experience it all the time.  some times more than others, depending on the season of our lives.  but, may i not despair.  we will grieve at times.  we will hurt.  we will question.  but, may i not despair or ever be consumed by all the results of the falleness. 

there is always hope because jesus is hope.  hope simply is.  love simply is.  life simply is.  god, may i live these things.  may i feel them daily.  may they be what dictates my decisions, my words, my thoughts, my actions, my treatment toward others, and my trust in you.

you are good, and your love endures forever. 

The Balance of….What Really Matters

william wilberforce fought for almost 20 years to officially abolish slavery in great britain.  he was opposed, became sick, sacrificed his heart to respond to a greater calling god had placed there.  too easy was it to live a nice life in union with god.  too easy was it to ignore it all and follow the successful life of which he was capable.

instead, he allowed what really mattered to dictate his steps, his energy, his thoughts, all of him. 

it’s a funny thing, what really matters in life.  i recently watched the tv show arrested development.  a phrase they often use amid the dysfunction of the family that is featured is that, “family is the most important thing.”  that is a good family values statement to make.  amid the humor and whackiness, that is a theme of the show.  most all of us would agree.

the odd thing is that this is not what jesus says.  jesus says that we are to leave home, that anyone who chooses family over him isn’t really his follower.  wow.  harsh.  this can’t be the jesus who is all about love, can it?  this can’t be the god we think is all about family values, can it?

look, i am not writing this as some kind of anti-focus on the family thing.  not at all.  certainly, god does care about family in many ways.  it is just that, there really is so much more to this life than the things we think are most important. 

i’ve said many times that if every one would just live god’s ways, we really would have a perfect world.  that is a simplistic statement.  but, what i am saying is this…

i hear so often that it is so hard to follow jesus, so difficult to make choices for him, to live the life god created us to live, etc.  i go through all those arguments for myself.  it’s just that, truly, if we would all get over that and live as god intended, what an amazing place this would be.   it applies to our action and how we live and treat each other.  and, it also applies to how we respond to what god puts on our hearts.

what if we actually physically left our families to follow jesus into whatever he wants us to do that matters greatly?  what if we actually were the good samaritan and spontaneously took a chunk of time out of our schedule and chunk of money not planned spend to help a person in need – a stranger no less?  what if we sold all that we have and gave it to the poor?  what if we sold our possessions, even our land, and shared the proceeds with our fellow community of believers?  what if we actually traveled from place to place as needed because we were to share about the ways of god with those who needed encouragement?  what if we gave up our homes and comfort to go wherever god leads?  what if we gave up our shirt and our coat to an undeserving person who asks?  what if we really did bless our enemies and see others as better as ourselves and actively forgive one another’s faults?  what if we carried another person’s burdens – inconveniencing ourselves and taking on the pain and stress and hurt and instability of another?  what if we actually did gently restore sinners and those who have fallen back into the family with god’s loving discipline?  what if we did not let the sun go down on our anger but instead work out differences face to face in loving consideration of the other?  what if we actually lived a belief that we are not always right, thus becoming slow to speak and slow to become angry, and take responsibility if we may have offended someone before even going to god ourselves?

all of these things come directly from scripture.  i am not making this up.  it’s god’s design, not mine.  and these barely scratch the surface of living out what really matters.

what if we saw the greater cause of the kingdom of god – of life and love and truth extending to all – as greater than any other relationship or obligation?  and that as we do that, there is blessing.  there is reward. 

sometimes i think i am just plain old weird.  william wilberforce was weird.  paul was weird.  esther was weird.  maybe there isn’t some greater purpose than our everyday self-pleasing lives to live.  maybe it’s just some few weird people who crazy-follow god.  but i just don’t think so.  i think we are to all be crazy-followers.  jesus spoke to everyone.  we all get the same message.  it’s not for a few crazies. 

i don’t live for what really matters all the time or even most of the time.  but i will say this.  i want to.  i want a fire that burns in me and fuels me every day.  why can’t what i do make a difference?  why can’t what i continue to give and what i sacrifice be worth it?  it can be.  and you know what?  it is supposed to be.  i don’t even mean living in uganda or the rez or anything like that.  it is wherever i am, whatever situation.  it is the same for you and everyone.  what is it that really matters? 

what if you……?    fill in the blank.  what is the crazy thing that would make no sense to the world, to your family, to your co-workers?  what is it that doesn’t even seem quite right because it goes against what is seen as normal and good – even against how we think we should live?  what is the thing the lingers deep in you that you try to ignore? 

william wilberforce wanted to give up.  actually, he had in his mind.  he saw no point in pursuing good – no point in continuing with what he knew god had purposed him for.  people didn’t care – except to rail against him.  he was tired and withering.  he didn’t even want to talk about things.  but he was also haunted.  he couldn’t escape from what he knew really mattered.  and neither can we.  we can ignore it.  we can justify it away.  we can put it on hold.  but we too will wither away – not from doing what we are supposed to, but from not.  we will wither away and become irrelevant.

god help us.  god help us.  you are with us.  we have what we need.  now, may we use it.  may we respond.  may we see what really matters and trust you enough to live it out in whatever way everyday! 

Flickr Tags: william wilberforce,esther,paul,jesus

The Balance of….What is Church?

(here is the first part of this little series.  they are like little essays of book chapters, so they are a bit longer.  but, there is a thesis.  ha. so, please hang in there and keep reading!  if you are looking for information about Finding The Way, PLEASE click on the page of it at the top and browse older posts.  updates will continue to come…)

what is church?     how does a question like that end up relating to things being out of balance?  look, i am not a theologian or, you know, god, so i am not here to give some exact definition of what local church absolutely is or isn’t or how it should or shouldn’t be lived out.  what i am saying, basically, is that…..none of us should do that to the extent where attitudes and then actions are out of balance.  and sadly, that happens a lot these days.

go to any christian bookstore or browse various sites and blogs, and you will find loads of information of either some “exact”(though actually only their own theoretical) definition of what church is and was meant to be from scripture, or you will find so many opinions of what is wrong with churches today and how they should be functioning properly.  it’s ridiculous.  it’s sad.

i was part of that ridiculousness.  over the years, i ended up with an attitude of being fairly negative toward the “church.”  i, as many these days, felt like the church in generally was legalistic, institutionalized, and stuck having very little affect in the kingdom of god.  i then thought that i was part of living out a kingdom life in ways that were better than others.  i did not think i was being negative or arrogant at the time.  i thought that i was enlightened.  again, i didn’t see it at the time; i just thought i “got it” and others hadn’t yet.  pathetic, huh.  it was wrong.  i was wrong.

the thing is that, though parts of my attitude were wrong, not all of my thinking was mistaken.  what i was learning and experiencing was needed and part of what god was genuinely teaching me and growing me in.  he was bringing balance to me. it’s just that my attitude about those good things could be too arrogant at times.  it is true that  there are a lot of groups of people who gather – church groups – who do fit those not so great descriptions and are out of balance.  that is a fact.  and, god can certainly do things in us as individuals and with his body of believers as a whole to shift people more into what will bring life as he intended.

he brings balance.

and my opinion, and it is just my opinion, is that god’s been doing that with the ekklesia: those who are called out and meet in assembly for a purpose.  ekklesia is the greek word often translated to church in the bible.  i think that overall, yes, there has been a need to have the followers of chirst meet in assembly for a purpose in a more balanced and life-giving way.  it’s just that now, as with so many things, the pendulum has swung so far the other direction that things are now out of balance for other reasons.

what a year it’s been!

well, today marks one year since i boarded the plan at jfk to move to uganda.  i didn’t know where i’d live or even exactly what i’d be doing to get started.  but, off i went.  it doesn’t feel like a year, really.  i still can feel very out of place and like i am constantly making adjustments to better fit in over here.  i still feel like a rez-girl and think of it as home base.  and yes, i miss, well, pretty much everything.  haha

still, i must focus on the enormity of all god has done and is doing!

you know, i could write on and on about things here and all god’s done – all the processes i’ve been through, etc.  but, if you’ve followed the site much at all, you have had glimpses of this journey and get the idea.

let me instead just encourage us each to not live small.  it is so easy to live less than what god has for us and for others through us.  of course most people will not live in Africa or in unique places.  but, neither will all of us (me) be able to make a simple phone call and have an impact on someone’s life.  we all play different roles in the body of christ.

sadly, we often become stuck and don’t even realize it.  god may have put something on our hearts at some point in time, but we didn’t understand it.  so, we delayed.  we put it off.  we justified not following through.  subsequently, over a bit of time, we forgot about the god-nudging or just convinced ourselves that the clear voice of god directing our lives could wait.  we became jonah’s without realizing it.  lots of us have ended up living in the belly of a whale at the bottom of the sea, yet we don’t see it.  

so, just as a testimony, let me say that following through with what god shows you is an amazing thing.  even if what he’s showing you is vague, step out.  move forward.  trust him even a little.  give it a chance.  take the plunge.

god can do what seems impossible.  god gives hope in the darkest places.  and you know what, YOU are part of the life god wants to bring to everyone.  you are a carrier in the kingdom of god!!  in whatever role god’s given you to play, you have the chance to act.  your oscar-worthy performance is out there to live every single day.  only, it’s not exactly you performing it.  it’s god.  he is the one doing it all.  we can do all things through christ who strengthens us.

so, you might feel weak, tired, inadequate; you might see things as pointless, simple, or impossible; you might have other things you’d prefer to do – or not do.  but, give those god-things a chance.  you will be amazed.  believe, me, i know.

Ephesians 1:4-12 and 3:20

Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

^20-21God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.