life goes on…

so, you know, as i walk around the village of the first group of people to resettle, it strikes me how they are just….living.  they have settled into life out of the camp.  they  are harvesting food crops.  they are spending time with each other.  they have their daily routines.  the kids have their chores.  denis has stopped drinking.  lucy talks and talks now, instead of staying stern and hard. (i just let her ramble on as if i understand her.)  maria stood out in the massive downpour getting soaked to the bone with me trying to help me put up my tent. (though she had it all turned upside down, god love her, and the tent became just a lake in the end. ha)  susan – the only one who speaks a little english – will chatter on and tease me, “now JENifah!”  (haha i don’t bother to tell her it’s not jennifer, just jennie.  she’s too funny how she says it.)  easter’s boys sing in the evenings – just for fun, not performing, just as they get ready for bed or hang out…thomas, richard, patrick, and alan.  anthony is so tender with his little toddler girl,  as you’d expect from a father who grew up as an orphan with no father. 

 

 

it’s just…life. 

 

 

 

last week they walked me and martin and samuel around to show us how their income-generating projects are going.  the ground nuts (peanuts) should be ready for harvest in december.  merry christmas! as they get some money!  the bee hives are in place ready to house some bees.  these things are amazing.  they are palm trees cut into pieces.  they are hollow.  so, you plug one end.  then, put it up in a tree.  what work!!  these suckers are heavy.  then, the bees just find their way home, too.  after a few months, you go and remove the “plug” to get the honey.  the hive will last….forever – no maintenance required.  they put all the hives out on their own – took the initiative.

and, this coming week, we are doing baptisms.  i can’t wait for that.  it is all – all of it – the fullness of new life.  i am in awe of it all.  i sat under the eave of a hut wed. night, sopping wet as dusk was approaching, listening to the the thunder, the goats bleating, and the group in side – chatting away preparing supper.  it was good.  and, it was god.  victory, victory – amen.

 

“the fellowship of the saints….”

 

 

anthony, easter, maria, susan, katarina, lucy, and mosaai (old man, that’s all i’ve ever known him as. ha!)

 

 

 

gotta love having others try to use the camera:  maria, lucy, katarina; alan, richard, me, thomas, and easter

 

 

 

 

 

praise and worship!

pick me up

apparently my friend evelyn thought i was too whiny in my last email, so she decided to remind of a few very random things in can be happy for in my life.  ( CCF stands for cheesecake factory)  my comments are in [brackets]  “be thankful in all things…”

You’re alive!

You have five fingers on each hand  [yep, good and short]

You can return from Uganda any time you have had your fill–most can’t

You can read

You are still in your 30s–not over the hill like I am:)  [thanks for giving me something to look forward to]

There are billions of wonderful undiscovered calories consumption to be had and enjoyed in your life (wow, what a thought!)  [yes, that is quite awesome]

You haven’t found the perfect pen yet (think of seeking pleasures you will have as you keep looking)   [i'm not sure what she means here, but ok? the perfect pen, ok]

Tons of wonderful reads are out there

You can wiggle your toes, fingers, and your bottom [it's true, i can!]

Your heart is beating right this moment

You have a bottom that your skirt sometimes catches when you are at CCF [in reference to a jennie-style "most embarrassing-type" moment at CCF in vegas in july]

You can sing and play the guitar at the same time (I can’t do either)  ["ring of fire, the ring of fire...]

When your hands get dirty, you can wash them and everything is back to normal [this isn't always true or possible in uganda, but ok]

You have tons of friends   [true enough.  it's because i'm hot]

A museum awaits your visit   [i hope not though.  i kind of hate museums - unless it's monument park at yankee stadium, i guess]

A books awaits you

You hiked a lot of beautiful places and you will have many more experiences

You have excellent taste in clothes (I know I have your scarves and shirts!)  [ha-ha - see! - i am not a candidate for "what not to wear"]

Brad Pitt could be single again, one day [excellent!  and derek jeter still is!]

The sun will burn out and possibly become a black hole, but not tomorrow or in your life time  [that is reassuring]

You have car that breaks down but you can get it repaired eventually (you have a car)   [yeah, and my mechanic invited me to lunch last week cause i think he feels so sorry for me and how many times i show up at his place

You have eaten at the CCF; I haven't  [i need to go 85 more times to try all the yummy-sounding things on their menu]

You’ve been to a Mary Chapin Carpenter concert; I haven’t  [[woo-hoo, the best concerts!]

You have a favorite author; you have had the luxury of curling up in bed to read [lots of reading examples.  guess i better try it sometime.]

You have great skiing experiences   [great and hilarious. cream cheese!]

You have had the love of a beautiful doe-eyed creature called Pippo   [and i still do - shut up about it!]

You have and will, again, babytalk Pippo [dear sil, wight dare, funny piiippo, good giil, honey, how tute ya ar]

The sun will rise on your tomorrow and the next and the next and the next and….

Bruce Springsteen will put out another great album like Magic, one day  [gosh, i better get magic, first! ha]

You will fly sometime in the near future  [myself?  cool!  or with a wonder-woman invisible jet?]

You will watch baseball soon  [tomorrow at 4 pm]

More viewing pleasures of seeing the Williams sisters play and kick ass on the court  [gotta love some good tennis, this is true.]

 

can i go home now?

sometimes i just really have a hard time living here in uganda.  everything about it remains so foreign and distant from what i’ve always know in my life.  i get lonely.  always having to adjust to fit how things are here becomes wearisome.  it can be like i am living someone else’s life sometimes, and i am just watching it happen.  i’m sure that doesn’t make sense.

but, lately i have so wanted to just hop on plane, go get pippo, and bee-line it back to the rez.  i want to remember the sound of friends’ laughter because i actually get to hear it.  i want to walk in stillness and quiet.  i want to not be stared at.  i want to blend in with everyone else.  oh to curl up with a fire in the woodstove. 

i know i am “ok” and that all will be alright and all that.  but, i just want to have a normal life sometimes.  play games with people, go hang out somewhere, pick up the phone and talk without it costing $30/45 minutes, be able to just share everyday things with people as people do, live a real life with real people who even know me a little bit.

i suppose this is all just a bit selfish.  “i want” this and that.  but, that’s just how it is today.  this is just more of a psalm 88 phase than a psalm 100 phase i guess. 

why do i share it here?  just cause.  cause sometimes life isn’t always pretty.  and i don’t figure anyone is really reading this anyway. ha.  and i am not always this strong, courageous person some think.  actually, i kind of never am.  in my weakness he is strong.  that is so true.  may that be true.

LET NEW LIFE BEGIN…

when we come into relationship with jesus and begin to follow him, we start a new life.  it is life eternal with him.  here in northern uganda, we get to speak this truth to  the people here not only through words, but through literally helping people begin new life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  real life examples become the reality of god to the people.  i am awed and humbled by the whole thing, really.

it’s not only the work here.  it’s not only seeing smiles and hope appear on people’s faces.  it’s not only seeing strength and purpose arise.  it’s something powerful for and in me.  it hit me so hard this last week about how jesus’ death on the cross IS the punishment for my sin.  yes, i know that is the most basic and obvious thing in our walk with jesus.  but man, i can lose sight of it.  you see, i find it so easy to live punishing myself, or to see things that happen in people around me as punishment for my own wrongdoing.  but that just isn’t true.  that isn’t what i need to be doing.  there was punishment for my sin, yes.  and, it was in jesus’ death on the cross.  i just have to let that sink in.  …

and that brings new life.  it brings a spring to my step and a leaping joy to heart.   so here, i just keep praying that the people here will see and accept the fullness of all these things – that they accept the new life in every way.  bless god!

presentation of oxen to group 2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flickr Tags: jesus,uganda

updates

so, i really will have some fresh finding the way pictures up at the end of the week.  i know i am so behind at writing here.  i’ve started some things, but just can’t seem to finish anything.

i will ask for prayer.  just pray that my heart will be always pursuing god more and receiving all that he is.  you can pray for my wisdom and energy in working on some things for finding the way that just don’t come naturally to me.  pray that things here keep moving forward with opportunities and resources always open and available.  pray for funding for all things.  pray for my heart to be ok; been a bit alone of late.  pray that truth will always prevail.

thanks.  may the love of jesus fill you more and more each day!

How’s Life?

well, i’ve been really bad about writing much this past month.  i haven’t put up much about the finding the way/adopt-a-village progress because i keep forgetting to take my camera up with me every week.  and, it’s not fun updating without pictures. so, here i am adding random pics that are somewhat recent, like loving life at bryce canyon! i haven’t written thoughts and insights much, or continued writing on balance, because i have had a block transfer things in my head to “paper.”  we’ll call it writer’s block.  that sounds so professional, right?  i thought that in the mean time i would just talk about life over the past little bit, since most of you know me and check in for that kind of thing anyway.  it’s like celebrity gossip; you just can’t stop yourself from peeking into the world of life in uganda.  it’s fascinating.

it’s fascinating that on friday night i think i was in the most amazing house i’ve ever seen.  you sure wouldn’t think you’d find that here.  it was way cool.

i enjoy staying in gulu.  it is a bummer at times to not have much to do.  gulu is a small town with nothing.  this makes sense, of course, since it was a center of war for so many years, with very little outside influence.  but, living at the hotel is nice, and i have internet at my room.  so, there are conveniences that i didn’t have in kampala.

the finding the way work continues.  i am challenged at every turn, but they are good challenges.  i know things are being expanded.  it is a stretch for me, though, to go with it all.  i have to learn to do and apply things that do not come naturally to me.  that is part of life, of course.  and, i am constantly needing to trust god.  nothing is set financially.  i mean, i just kind of figure money will be there as it’s needed.  but, that’s a hard place to live, and it make planning a bit of a faith exercise. this red, white, and blue turkey cracked me up.  never have seen or heard of them before.

i still get hit on.  i won’t even get into the most recent.  it was the most obvious yet.  funny but also a bit disarming.  i’d actually be happy for these kinds of things to end.

the people in the 2 adopted villages we are working with so far are always having to face new things and learn to apply.  it is both a fun and frustrating process to be a part of.  haha  but, anytime we walk with people in life, that is pretty much how it is.  it is beyond vital for me to have god-time, rest-time, and connection-time.  when i don’t have these things, i certainly find that i become a stressed mess.  i tend to carry others’ pain a lot.  this is a good thing to an extent – as that is the definition of compassion.  but, there is a balance there.  i never want to live out of balance the other way – where i close off and don’t care (and that’s been an issue at times).  but at the same time, i can’t end up with compassion fatigue.  so, walking in wisdom and release is always at the forefront of what i do – here or anywhere.

i am stoked that i can actually watch the mlb playoffs and series.  seriously.  this is the best news!  go yankees.  i just hope the electricity is on at the times when the games are on.

letting go is something i do a lot of.  there are just so many things to become annoyed at while living here.  everyday things.  logical things.  things that just don’t go the way they should normally go.  i am consistently asking god to help me with the balance of how to handle these things.  is it wrong to speak to someone when the power has been off for hours and the generator, which by policy is to be used any time power is off, is yet to be turned on because it ran out of fuel and no one bothered to get any.  so many things are a case of when is it ok to speak to some problem, and when do you just keep quiet?  either way, my attitude is one of constant surrender.  when i’m doing that, i seem to know better what to do.

so, there’s a bit about life here in the heart of africa.

how is your life?  i sure hope it is full of adventure and wonder and being stretched and all that god has for you as you respond to him in every way!

please read…

this madness is why i’ve ended up having to be where i am doing what i’m doing.  it only continues; when will it end?

Fear level rises as LRA rebels return (BBC News)

Thousands have fled LRA raids and now live in camps all over the region

A familiar foe has ramped up its activities in central Africa. Raids by the notorious Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) are becoming more frequent and, Peter Martell reports, a sense of alarm is spreading.

Stephen Taban spent two years fighting for the LRA. The 20-year-old does not need time to think about which parts were the worst.

The LRA kidnapped and conscripted Stephen Taban “Killing people and catching the kids,” he says, looking down at the ground as he speaks.     “It was a bad time. We were told: ‘Go and bring back the small children.’”                      He knows what terror that caused: he was conscripted after being snatched from his family’s farm in southern Sudan.             But if the jungle rebels failed to return with food and fresh recruits, commanders would burn them on the back with red-hot metal from a fire.

“I was a soldier, I was carrying a gun,” he says.   “I didn’t like it, but I was forced to fight.”

The fighters – whose leaders originate in northern Uganda – have earned a grim reputation for murder, rape and abducting children.        Mutilating victims, including hacking off noses and lips, is one of their trademark calling cards. Boys are taken to become fighters, girls as sex slaves for the commanders.  

The Balance of….What Really Matters

william wilberforce fought for almost 20 years to officially abolish slavery in great britain.  he was opposed, became sick, sacrificed his heart to respond to a greater calling god had placed there.  too easy was it to live a nice life in union with god.  too easy was it to ignore it all and follow the successful life of which he was capable.

instead, he allowed what really mattered to dictate his steps, his energy, his thoughts, all of him. 

it’s a funny thing, what really matters in life.  i recently watched the tv show arrested development.  a phrase they often use amid the dysfunction of the family that is featured is that, “family is the most important thing.”  that is a good family values statement to make.  amid the humor and whackiness, that is a theme of the show.  most all of us would agree.

the odd thing is that this is not what jesus says.  jesus says that we are to leave home, that anyone who chooses family over him isn’t really his follower.  wow.  harsh.  this can’t be the jesus who is all about love, can it?  this can’t be the god we think is all about family values, can it?

look, i am not writing this as some kind of anti-focus on the family thing.  not at all.  certainly, god does care about family in many ways.  it is just that, there really is so much more to this life than the things we think are most important. 

i’ve said many times that if every one would just live god’s ways, we really would have a perfect world.  that is a simplistic statement.  but, what i am saying is this…

i hear so often that it is so hard to follow jesus, so difficult to make choices for him, to live the life god created us to live, etc.  i go through all those arguments for myself.  it’s just that, truly, if we would all get over that and live as god intended, what an amazing place this would be.   it applies to our action and how we live and treat each other.  and, it also applies to how we respond to what god puts on our hearts.

what if we actually physically left our families to follow jesus into whatever he wants us to do that matters greatly?  what if we actually were the good samaritan and spontaneously took a chunk of time out of our schedule and chunk of money not planned spend to help a person in need – a stranger no less?  what if we sold all that we have and gave it to the poor?  what if we sold our possessions, even our land, and shared the proceeds with our fellow community of believers?  what if we actually traveled from place to place as needed because we were to share about the ways of god with those who needed encouragement?  what if we gave up our homes and comfort to go wherever god leads?  what if we gave up our shirt and our coat to an undeserving person who asks?  what if we really did bless our enemies and see others as better as ourselves and actively forgive one another’s faults?  what if we carried another person’s burdens – inconveniencing ourselves and taking on the pain and stress and hurt and instability of another?  what if we actually did gently restore sinners and those who have fallen back into the family with god’s loving discipline?  what if we did not let the sun go down on our anger but instead work out differences face to face in loving consideration of the other?  what if we actually lived a belief that we are not always right, thus becoming slow to speak and slow to become angry, and take responsibility if we may have offended someone before even going to god ourselves?

all of these things come directly from scripture.  i am not making this up.  it’s god’s design, not mine.  and these barely scratch the surface of living out what really matters.

what if we saw the greater cause of the kingdom of god – of life and love and truth extending to all – as greater than any other relationship or obligation?  and that as we do that, there is blessing.  there is reward. 

sometimes i think i am just plain old weird.  william wilberforce was weird.  paul was weird.  esther was weird.  maybe there isn’t some greater purpose than our everyday self-pleasing lives to live.  maybe it’s just some few weird people who crazy-follow god.  but i just don’t think so.  i think we are to all be crazy-followers.  jesus spoke to everyone.  we all get the same message.  it’s not for a few crazies. 

i don’t live for what really matters all the time or even most of the time.  but i will say this.  i want to.  i want a fire that burns in me and fuels me every day.  why can’t what i do make a difference?  why can’t what i continue to give and what i sacrifice be worth it?  it can be.  and you know what?  it is supposed to be.  i don’t even mean living in uganda or the rez or anything like that.  it is wherever i am, whatever situation.  it is the same for you and everyone.  what is it that really matters? 

what if you……?    fill in the blank.  what is the crazy thing that would make no sense to the world, to your family, to your co-workers?  what is it that doesn’t even seem quite right because it goes against what is seen as normal and good – even against how we think we should live?  what is the thing the lingers deep in you that you try to ignore? 

william wilberforce wanted to give up.  actually, he had in his mind.  he saw no point in pursuing good – no point in continuing with what he knew god had purposed him for.  people didn’t care – except to rail against him.  he was tired and withering.  he didn’t even want to talk about things.  but he was also haunted.  he couldn’t escape from what he knew really mattered.  and neither can we.  we can ignore it.  we can justify it away.  we can put it on hold.  but we too will wither away – not from doing what we are supposed to, but from not.  we will wither away and become irrelevant.

god help us.  god help us.  you are with us.  we have what we need.  now, may we use it.  may we respond.  may we see what really matters and trust you enough to live it out in whatever way everyday! 

Flickr Tags: william wilberforce,esther,paul,jesus

…

i have had so much on mind that i can’t seem to get it written down.  but, i will.  not sure what it will be.  haha    having internet issues, too.  of course, that isn’t an excuse since i can write when i am not online and then simply post it when i have a few moments on.  but anyway, just thinking about too much to write.  in a day or so…

The Balance of….What is Church?

(here is the first part of this little series.  they are like little essays of book chapters, so they are a bit longer.  but, there is a thesis.  ha. so, please hang in there and keep reading!  if you are looking for information about Finding The Way, PLEASE click on the page of it at the top and browse older posts.  updates will continue to come…)

what is church?     how does a question like that end up relating to things being out of balance?  look, i am not a theologian or, you know, god, so i am not here to give some exact definition of what local church absolutely is or isn’t or how it should or shouldn’t be lived out.  what i am saying, basically, is that…..none of us should do that to the extent where attitudes and then actions are out of balance.  and sadly, that happens a lot these days.

go to any christian bookstore or browse various sites and blogs, and you will find loads of information of either some “exact”(though actually only their own theoretical) definition of what church is and was meant to be from scripture, or you will find so many opinions of what is wrong with churches today and how they should be functioning properly.  it’s ridiculous.  it’s sad.

i was part of that ridiculousness.  over the years, i ended up with an attitude of being fairly negative toward the “church.”  i, as many these days, felt like the church in generally was legalistic, institutionalized, and stuck having very little affect in the kingdom of god.  i then thought that i was part of living out a kingdom life in ways that were better than others.  i did not think i was being negative or arrogant at the time.  i thought that i was enlightened.  again, i didn’t see it at the time; i just thought i “got it” and others hadn’t yet.  pathetic, huh.  it was wrong.  i was wrong.

the thing is that, though parts of my attitude were wrong, not all of my thinking was mistaken.  what i was learning and experiencing was needed and part of what god was genuinely teaching me and growing me in.  he was bringing balance to me. it’s just that my attitude about those good things could be too arrogant at times.  it is true that  there are a lot of groups of people who gather – church groups – who do fit those not so great descriptions and are out of balance.  that is a fact.  and, god can certainly do things in us as individuals and with his body of believers as a whole to shift people more into what will bring life as he intended.

he brings balance.

and my opinion, and it is just my opinion, is that god’s been doing that with the ekklesia: those who are called out and meet in assembly for a purpose.  ekklesia is the greek word often translated to church in the bible.  i think that overall, yes, there has been a need to have the followers of chirst meet in assembly for a purpose in a more balanced and life-giving way.  it’s just that now, as with so many things, the pendulum has swung so far the other direction that things are now out of balance for other reasons.